peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
