Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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