He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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