i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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