btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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