In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
