There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
