idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
