i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
