Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize