I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
