Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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