Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
