I'm going to jail i love you
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize