thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
