My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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