yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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