It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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