I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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