Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
