i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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