somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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