k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dick has a subreddit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
