The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
