i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
