Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
