i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
