Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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