The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
