Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
