Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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