Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize