Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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