i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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