I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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