i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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