Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
