I wish life had little blips of pornography
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
