Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
