I puked a lego.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
