You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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