honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
