your parents love me but you hate me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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