I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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