Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
