So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
