On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
