Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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