he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
MIDGETS
????
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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