so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
