Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
