Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
