Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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