Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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