i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
