The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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