I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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