there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize