worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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