Where did you get a picture of my penis
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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