I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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