Nicole vs. Life
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
