I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
