what day is it and did you see me today?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
