She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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