You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
