Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
