Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
